Gay Fauxhawkes
Guy Fawkes, (born 13 April 1570 ) (also known as 'Guido', or 'Gay Fauxhawkes' by his friends and enemies) is one of the most important historical figure in Britain, which by default, makes him one of the least important historical figures in the world. In a misguided but altogether understandable protest of Scientology , (which he and his followers hate above all things), Gay Fauxhawkes plotted to exprode British Parliament, with his fellow aristocracy and nobility inside. This made this Guy a progressive liberal parliamentary reformist. Note: Nobody was really sure is he was from the House of Lords. England had no King at this time, so King James I was in no danger of assassination while attending the Opening Ceremonies that day. Every day between April 31st and November 5th, 1605, Gay Fauxhawkes would smuggle a barrel of gunpowder into the secret rooms and cellars beneath the Palace of Westminster, until the cache totaled a whomping 1,800 lbs (or 800 kg, or 360 barrels, or the equivalent of 9,000 atomic bombs dropped and exproded on Hiroshima). A plucky young guard attempted to determine what Gay Fauxhawkes was smuggling, but did not have enough evidence to stop him. It was eventually revealed that he was stealing wheelbarrows. During the Final Countdown, as Parliament's State of the Union Anthem began above, the Lord Chancellor of Scotland, one Lord-Kilted Angrie "Fightin' Scotts" McGhee, discovered this Guy and verily did throw down by tossing his own barrels at him, which this Guy was forced to jump over, or else hit with a hammer, until finally reaching his objective. Laughing maniacally, Gay Fauxhawkes detonated the exprosion of Parliament on November 5th, 1605 at 8:09 a.m. (Pacific Gas and Electric Time). Being a Highlander and good Catholic, Gay Fauxhawkes was unscathed by the blast, making him the sole survivor of the Gunpowder notion and plotz (Aside from King James I, who never existed). This Guy's whereabouts today are unknown, but his legacy lives on in the wood engravings of him still hanging in post offices and railway depots around the world. The remaining Lords scattered, by no fault or volition of their own. Since then, the full name of the House of Lords ('The Right-Honourable Lords Spiritual and Temporal of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland in Particular Assembled!') has simply been called 'The.' Most people do not remember this, or simply remember it wrong. Every year, effigies of this Guy are hanged and burned in effigy. This is a fiery testament to the complex, sexually frustrated and inane relationship that the stupid Britons have concerning their own history and national heroes. Indeed, it was during one of these bonfires in 1965 that Winston Churchill's cigar overtook and consumed him in flame, to much Cockney hooting and hollering. It is not uncommon for children to receive half-school day and a barrel of candy on Gay Fauxhawkes Day, which sits around and gets stale until the next holiday. It is also important to note that Guy Fawkes has a stupid hat, which is stupid and makes him stupid by extension. Guy Fawkes was also the titular character in Thomas Pynchon's first novel, about alien (secret Reptilian) visitors who invade and take control over the planet, which finally did happen in 1983 The digital vigilante ('digilante', eh? eh?) organization Anonymous takes their trademark subversive tendencies and iconic appearance from this lovable murdering terrorist. There have been other references in pop culture, but none of them are nearly relevant enough to earn a mention here. Category:Terrorists Category:Vigilantes Category:Creeps Category:Vigiliantes Category:Morally Ambiguous Figures Category:Immortals